By Amara Blessing
Now for ladies; we live in the twenty first century where we do certain abnormal things and have people see them as normal. We disrespect ourselves and our parents all in the name of civilization. Some of us also use Christianity as an excuse to disrespect some good traditions. Let us now look at those things we need to change and things to look out for in that man before giving a nod.
Family and cultural background
We often times say “it doesn’t matter” when it comes to this issue only for us to find out when it is late that it matters. A man who grew up in a family where there is not respect for life and property won’t do otherwise. A man who grew up seeing his mum prostitute may never trust women. If he grew up to see his father beat his mum, he may hate physical abuse or be too deep into it. Before the ‘I do’, please ask questions. We often tend to ignore the elders in this regard, but what they see sitting, we may never see standing. I know there are certain aspects of our culture we should ignore if we must move forward, but there are others we must not ignore if we want to live in peace.
I am a very strong supporter of inter-tribal marriage, but there are things to be considered. Love can take you anywhere, but you must be prepared for where you are going. When you accept a man from a different tribe, you must accept his language, his food, and his people. Do all you can to learn to prepare to his local delicacy. If you can, learn his language and make yourself a part of his culture.
Religious background
We are told that love conquers all. My dear lady, love is never enough to sustain a marriage. Certain factors must be in place if it must work in this our generation. I cannot accept marriage to a man who does not share my faith as I cannot watch my husband sit at home on Sunday morning while I go to church alone. I also wouldn’t want my children to be confused. But I know some people do and that is not a problem at all.
All I tell people is to be sure they can handle it in the long run. A woman in Ibadan was lured into marriage by a Muslim man who told her he didn’t care if she is a Christian. The marriage ended when after three children, the man woke up to tell his wife that Christian must stop in his home. Another lady confessed to losing her four years old son when she picked up her Bible to pray for her child only for the man to throw that away; the baby died and in the long run the marriage ended.
If you are a Muslim, it is always better marrying someone who shares your religious belief. If you are a Christian, it is better you go for a Christian. I know some churches are against their members getting married outside their denomination; you are being deceived. The body of Christ is not divided. I have seen women push their children to a man they have no feelings for; I have seen ladies age in their fathers’ house just because their mother is afraid of being rejected by the CWO (Catholic Women Organization). Live your life for God, never for denominations.
Vision and philosophy
Before you say yes to him, please check out what his vision is and be sure you can run with it. What are his ideologies and philosophies in life? You have to be sure you are in love with his vision because without your being in love, you can’t run with it. There are men whose vision end in 9am to 4pm job; I would be lying to myself if I should go into marriage with such a man because I am a very adventurous person. You must first of all, tell yourself the truth and know what you can live with. I am passionate about humanity and so I won’t consider marriage to a man who has no compassion in him and who finds it difficult to give. But I know there are women who don’t even understand themselves and life; anything can go for you. If you are in love with a corporate man, please go for him.
His love for your relations
Check out how he relates with your relations and friends and how he reacts when issues about hem come up. If that man has never asked after your parents and siblings, please think twice before accepting that ring. If you are a single parent, please check out his relationship with your children. If he hates your friends for no good reason, his insecurity will be a problem in marriage. As a single mother, it is no longer about you; it is more about your children. The greatest mistake you would make is losing your children because of a man. And be careful, there are cases of rape and abuse everywhere. Make sure that man is responsible in his relationship with your children. If you think you cannot trust him with your children, please stay away.
His night life and friends
If he lives in the night club now, he may not change in marriage. If he doesn’t like eating at home now, he may end up wasting your food and time. If his married friends bring their girlfriends to his house now, he may take his to their own house when you are married. If his friends don’t have regard for women, he does not have regard for you. If his friends are into fraud and drugs, he is likely to be involved in it. Don’t be deceived; that he has a big business going for him is not an assurance that his hands are not in it.
Above all, never go into it without God. If He doesn’t go with you, please don’t go there. Look before you leap.
Source: Amara Blessing
0 comments:
Post a Comment