By Amara Blessing
I love you, I love you, I love you; that’s all we hear from youths. When you try to find out why they love that person, you find out that in most cases, the word love is used and understood wrongly. I believe there must be something in that person to attract you to him or her. You could fall for a lady because she is light-skinned or dark, she is tall or short and you could be attracted to that man because he has some good purchasing power and fashion sense.
Don’t feel condemned when people tell you it is wrong getting attracted to that person just because of those things. We all get attracted for different reasons including spirituality and intellect. The fact is that something must attract you to him or her.
The difference come when after the attraction; we fail to open our eyes to realities on ground. Love comes in stages and must be dealt with accordingly. Many people make the mistake of rushing to the altar just at the beginning of their love life simply because of the feeling that they are in love. At this stage, people say they are in love when they are actually saying “I am in love with the idea of being in love”. The only good thing you can do for yourself at this stage is to build a relationship and friendship.
This is not the stage for sex for those who believe they must have sex with that person before marriage. One thing you should have in mind is that once sex comes into a dating relationship, you get blinded to the facts and issues that must be addressed before marriage. It is my humble opinion that you keep sex out of it if you must get the best in marriage. Once you allow sex take the place of true friendship, the relationship is doomed. I have seen girls using some good sex as a weapon to get the man blinded in a relationship and this is one of the reasons men should be careful when a girl is all about sex.
Girls get carried away by wealth, looks, and affluence. It is no longer news that love, in the Nigerian contest, means more than the true meaning. How many of us are genuinely in love?
Back to the topic at hand, it is possible you are attracted to him or her and mistaking it to be that you are in love. Infatuation is different from true love. Most times I ask why it is that we don’t fall in love with the disabled and sometimes with the poor if at all that “in love” thing is true.
There are things you must look out for in every relationship to know if that relationship should be taken to the next level. Never allow the “I love you” madness blind your eyes and stop you from facing reality because its either you do that now damning all consequences or you are ready to live in perpetual sadness and regrets. Never allow his wealth and style close your eyes to the truth. Guys; don’t be carried away by her beauty and class. If it is not going to work, be bold enough to end it now because what people will say may not matter to you when that time comes.
I am going to start with the ladies. Below are signals that the man is not the right person for you:
He doesn’t like your friends even when they are nice and wants to be the only one around you always. I advise you run as fast as your legs can once you see this because this man is going to put you in everlasting prison.
He bugs you with his numerous calls. We are often made to believe it’s because he misses us and wants to be sure we are okay. But it is not always the case. In fact, even without the guys knowing it, it is one of the numerous signs of insecurity, lack of trust, and control. A man who will not allow you face your work during office hours and who, even when you are out with the girls won’t let you be is telling you just one thing, “you are mine and I own you”.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying he shouldn’t call you; I am only saying just twice before you get back from you is good enough. Again, you should never be forced to run into the toilet at work because you must take his calls against the company policy (he may not love you when eventually you get sacked). You shouldn’t pick up his calls before a client just because you don’t want to hurt your “baby”. My dear, don’t mix business with pleasure; stick to work ethics.
Does he give? The in-thing now is for Nigerian men to scare girls with this talk about Naija girls being so much after money. Some shameless guys even go the extent of taking money from the ladies all in the name of “I am trying you out”. Love gives and anybody who has God’s kind of love for you must give. I am not in support of you ripping him off, but he must give.
How does he treat his mother and sisters? If you see a man maltreat his mother and siblings now and you refuse to do something about it believing it’s their private business, you are doing the wrong thing because he is going to treat you exactly the way he treats his relations; you are not different.
Has he slapped you or use abusive words on you? You better run now because he is going to graduate to beating by the time he has you under his roof. I don’t care how many times he professes love or if he gives you a holiday in Burj Arab after that, it doesn’t change anything.
What about your relations? I have seen men tell their woman it’s all about her and no one else. Girl, you better wake up from your slumber and know that this is Africa where there is communal living. But if you think he shouldn’t take care of your parents tomorrow or allow you spend holidays with them, go ahead.
When you are a single mother, please look well before you leap. Make sure he loves your children even more than he loves you. Never allow love to blind your eyes. He must show enough concern for them
If you are a career woman, please go for a man who truly understands your career and what it entails. Some guys are in the business of getting girls to drop their own vision and run with theirs. There is nothing wrong in you flowing with your man’s vision, but never kill your own vision. Never lose your individuality for a man. A man who genuinely loves you will be interested in your vision and also work hard to make sure you succeed in that which you do. Mind you; if you truly love him, you can share your weekends with him.
Also note that however he and his friends talk about women in your presence is how they will talk about you in your absence and even if they don’t talk about you, he is going to treat you like another piece of rag.
As you go on the ‘in love euphoria, please remember that very soon, you shall face reality. Don’t rush into marriage now until you have dated him for nothing less than one year. Build trust and friendship first and hear this; if you have any reason to be checking his phone constantly or monitoring his calls, you have no reason being in that relationship. If you don’t trust him enough, please save yourself the heart ache by refusing to settle down with him.
Source: Amara Blessing
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